When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I used to look at middle- aged people as if it was the beginning of the end for them, because let’s face it that was when they started naming the different birds at the bird feeders, getting excited about them over a mug of tea and a digestive biscuit while wearing tailored jeans and a lilac fleece. I mean honestly, what could be worse.
Then boom! Just like that here I am in the middle years looking out over the garden and watching for my feathered friends with a cup of tea at my side and wearing, Dear God, almost tailored jeans and a lilac-ish jumper. How could this have happened?
There are a lot of things about the middle years which have surprised me aside from my sudden interest in ornithology. For starters I find myself being mildly offended by the term middle aged woman. I might be 51 but a middle aged woman? I don’t think so. That term has connotations which I’m sure many a mid-life woman (note the difference) will not relate to in any way. But let’s move on…
Much to my delight I’ve discovered a kind of magic in the middle years which has taken me by surprise. Simple pleasures have become the biggest pleasures; that first cup of coffee which I enjoy in silence every morning, the joy of climbing into a freshly made bed with linen that smells of fresh air and the excitement of lighting that first log fire in Autumn. Those once small seemingly insignificant daily rituals now fill my heart with gratitude and I look forward to them more than the big things in life: these are the little golden glimmers in my day which carry across my week, my month, my life. They are my constants.
The people who matter to me matter even more at this age and the rest I quietly let go. I seek connections with like-minded people who care not about comparing pension portfolios or the size of their cruise ships but who talk instead about the books they’re reading, the foods they’re enjoying, the beautiful walks they’ve taken and the adventures they’ve had; in short the things that light them up. My bulls@*t radar has become more finely tuned with the years and so I find myself less prone to people pleasing and more inclined to saying no without a backward glance. With that comes the realisation that I’ve stopped caring so much about what other people think and that is one of the most magical moments of all; when we do that we start to be true to ourselves again.
It turns out that I’m not alone in my experience of the middle years. Through the endless discussions I’ve had with the women in my life it seems that the magic we find at this golden time is one we all share and it’s one we all agree can only be conjured with a generous measure of ‘life’. Let’s face it, by the time we reach the middle years the chances are we will all have had our fair share of dramas, traumas, curve balls and catastrophes. Divorce, illness, financial struggles, bereavement, redundancy, loss – they all have the power to completely transform us and our view of life, leaving us re-evaluating what matters, who matters and how we want our future to look. Somewhere along the way we get tired of wasting our time on the things which, it turns out, don’t really matter after all and instead choose to focus on what we really want. We’ve experienced the highs and the lows and survived them with new-found strength, courage and purpose all of which we’re firmly embracing as we head boldly into the second half.
Through those highs and lows we’ve re-evaluated what health and wellbeing means to us because now we’re playing the long game, investing in the middle years for quality of life in our senior years. We eat for health, not jean size. We exercise so we can be strong, fit and independent for as long as possible (as a friend recently said ‘you need to be able to get yourself out of the bath’). We feel deeply connected to nature and the changing seasons and crave time outdoors in the elements as if they are life giving which of course they are. We’re at our best when we’re with our tribe and we know the value of good conversation, laughing out loud and leaning on each other when it comes to our wellbeing. We’ve experienced a new camaraderie amongst women our age as we pull together to navigate the menopause, supporting each other all the way in a world which isn’t always ready for us. We find each other and connect deeply through our shared experiences as women and we know that when we work with, rather then against each other, we can achieve amazing things. That’s magic right there.
With the magic of the middle years comes possibility; the chance to re-invent ourselves, change our stories and either head off in brave new directions or re-connect with the parts of ourselves which got lost along the way. It’s a time of transformation and growth. It’s not what those who haven’t been there yet like to call a mid-life crisis - it’s mid-life courage and I for one am embracing it. It’s not a time to be defined by age but it’s definitely a time to defy it. With our hard-earned lessons under our belts, our new-found sense of self and the right tribe beside us it feels like it really is just the beginning.
